Characters: Me, my quiet husband, and ignorant middle-aged server.
*After just finishing our warm, satisfying won-ton soup, I sit back in a comfortable position, hands resting on my stomach. Server approaches to take away our soup bowls and looks at me with a smile.
Server: "Are you expecting?"
Me: (takes hands off distended stomach and sits up straight) "No, just bloated."
Server: (big cheesy grin like she knows something we obviously don't) "When are you due?" "My daughter is having a baby in April."
Me: (face turning red, I look at husband whose face is already a rosy shade) "Really, I'm just bloated." (My husband and I proceed to look at each other and laugh b/c we can't believe this is really happening-bad idea, now server thinks we are kidding about not being pregnant.)
Server: (walks away with a laugh and brings our tea to the table with a smile and looks at me) "Stinker!" (she really DOESN'T believe me.)
Me: (embarrassed, mad, thinking of all the things I could say like: "Are you going to ask my husband if he's pregnant too?" "I wonder what your stomach would look like after 4 days of not crapping." "I have a medical condition." "You know, that is a really cruel thing to ask an infertile woman, who would love nothing more than to answer you with a resounding "Why, yes I am!! " "You know, you should NEVER ask a woman if she is pregnant unless you see a baby dropping out of her vagina!!"
*The meal ends and I decide to be a "Grace-dispenser" and say none of the above to the server. Server brings our check and boxed food.
Server: (looks are me with a softened smirk) "Hope your stomach feels better."
Me: "Thanks"
*The one good thing about the 2nd most embarrassing moment of my life-the fortune.
"Focus on your long-term goal. Good things will soon happen. "